If it ain't Baroque...

A symphony of voices

Jenn — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 12:07:18 +0000

Ah, music. It’s so expressive. Especially the Romantic period, you know?

A typo I can get behind

Jenn — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 12:10:34 +0000

Someone found this in the bowels of Strathmore. Swear to God.

Never mind the streets of gold

Jenn — Thu, 31 May 2012 12:03:19 +0000

Q. How many violists does it take to pave a driveway?

A. Seven, provided you lay them out correctly.

There Are Many Princes, But There Is Only One Concert Roundup

Jenn — Wed, 30 May 2012 12:09:22 +0000

Man, but I love Beethoven.

You’re mocking me. I just know you’re mocking me, Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, titling this week’s concert “Beethoven and Mozart.” Is it the Composer Cagematch! thing? Is it just because you can’t resist needling me? And then tossing Schubert in there too, trying to appeal to my soft side. Sigh. I guess it worked. Mozart‘s Symphony No. 40, Beethoven‘s Piano Concerto No. 3, Schubert‘s Symphony No. 6, my emotional roller coaster. May 31 at Strathmore; June 1 & 2 at the Meyerhoff. [ See it! ]
Let’s go over here to the National Symphony Orchestra now, because I’ll be at that concert! Yay! And why will I be there? Why, only for the greatest symphony ever written, of course! I’m talking about Beethoven‘s Symphony No. 7 (SLOW MOVEMENT SLOW MOVEMENT SLOW MOVEMENT) (FINALE HORNS) (SQUEE). Oh, yeah, also a newly commissioned work by Shepherd and Richard Strauss‘s Der Rosenkavalier, but let’s not pretend we don’t know what’s really important here (BEETHOVEN’S SEVENTH). May 31 – June 2. [ See it! ]
This week at Strathmore, a smart, funny singer-songwriter takes the Mansion, plus Broadway legend Tommy Tune. [ See the calendar! ]

Composer Cagematch!: Playing In

Jenn — Tue, 29 May 2012 12:46:00 +0000

It wouldn’t have been fun to let them in from the beginning, you know? They would’ve swept away all of the competition without the slightest question, and where’s the challenge in that? But then also, it wouldn’t really be a solid Composer Cagematch! without them, would it? Far better, then, to let the others fight it out and then bring in the big guns in the end.

And that’s what we’re going to do. So it is with great pride and pleasure that I say that in this corner, I can certainly believe it! It’s

PIOTR! ILYICH! TCHAAAAAAAAAIKOOOOOOOOOOVSKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

And in this corner, remind him to give the horns something to play! It’s

WOLFGANG! AMADEUS! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART

But wait, there’s more! Because over here in this other ring we just realized we also had: in this corner, I still can’t believe it! It’s

JOOOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAAAAANNEEEEEEEESS BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHMS

And in this corner… tee hee… oh, this is gonna be fun…

LUUUUUUUUDWIIIIIIIIIIIIG VAAAAAAAAAN BEEEEEEEEEETHOOOOOOVEEEEEEEN

After this one, guys… THE FINAL FIGHT.

A step over the line

Jenn — Mon, 28 May 2012 13:49:41 +0000

Here at Ain’t Baroque Valuable Information Services, Ltd., we like to keep our readers informed. So please heed the following:

Spray-on sunscreen must be applied VERY CAREFULLY, or else it will turn out later that you completely missed half your body and you’re now suffering from a condition I’d like to call Back of Legs On Fire.
Drugstore trail mix seriously shortchanges you on the nuts.
Know your audience.

Right. Happy Memorial Day!

Kvetch, kvetch

Jenn — Fri, 25 May 2012 12:08:29 +0000

This positively magnificent Friday LOL is brought to you by none other than intrepid interplanetary explorer Rebekah. You keep being awesome, my friend.

Creative solutions

Jenn — Thu, 24 May 2012 11:58:02 +0000

Q. How do you get two violists to play in unison?

A. Hand them scores a half-step apart.

We Meet Again, Concert Roundup

Jenn — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:07:33 +0000

Welcome back, cats and kittens! Let’s round up some concerts.

FREUDE! The Baltimore Symphony Orchestra has excellent taste. I know this because this week they’re performing Beethoven‘s ninth symphony. Aha! You’re paying attention now, aren’t you? Also in the offing: Bruckner‘s Te Deum. May 24 & 25 at the Meyerhoff; May 26 at Strathmore. [ See it! ]
No National Symphony Orchestra concert this week.
Don’t forget about the Strathmore calendar – there’s always something going on; this week there’s a soprano performing Italian arias! [ See the calendar! ]
Speaking of Strathmore, they’re currently scheduling auditions for the very first iteration of their new children’s chorus. Ages 8 through 16 are eligible, and auditions will be help on June 23, July 15, and August 18. Your kid could be a charter member! To make an appointment, email cguerra@strathmorecc.org.

In the immortal words of Marvin the Paranoid Android

Jenn — Tue, 22 May 2012 12:45:41 +0000

“Pardon me for breathing, which I don’t do so I don’t know why I bother to say it anyway, oh GOD I’m so depressed.”

I think I may have used that one before, but whatever. I don’t have time to worry about such things; I just got back from Walt Disney World and I will be spending the rest of this regular, humdrum, real-life week mere seconds away from bursting into tears. In an effort to combat this near-inevitability, here’s an absurd video in which pianists take off their clothes. You’re welcome.