Well fine. Then who came up with this one? General Tsao?

Tschaikovsky? Tschaikovsky? PETER? ILYITCH? Did he decide to incorporate a tribute to eczema while filing for British citizenship? It’s PIOTR, dammit! PIOTR! ILYICH! TCHAIKOVSKY! I’m going back to bed.

A. A good violinist, a bad violinist, a former violinist, and someone who hates violinists.

Yesterday was my last day at my old job. Monday I start a new job — as a marketing manager at the Strathmore arts center! Ba-DOW! Baltimore Symphony Orchestra! National Philharmonic! Washington Performing Arts Society! CityDance! The mansion! Galleries! High tea! Do you have any idea how much I LOVE high tea?

I will be positively drowning in the arts and I am so totally okay with that. Care to join me? Try dunking your head in one of these this week:

• This week at the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, it’s “LIFE: A Journey Through Time.” This is the title of a Philip Glass piece they’re performing, which will be accompanied by shots from National Geographic photographer Frans Lanting. Which sounds pretty neat, but not as neat as Beethoven‘s sixth symphony, the “Pastoral.” Not could compare to that. January 27 & 29 at the Meyerhoff; January 28 at Strathmore. [ See it! ]
• This week’s National Symphony Orchestra concert features the harmonica. I promise you it does. It’s got some piece by Widmann named Armonica and everything. Also a Mozart clarinet concerto and Schubert‘s ninth symphony, but come on. Harmonica. In a concert hall. How awesome is that? And afterward there’ll be a free discussion with soloist Christoph Eschenbach and the NSO Director of Planning. January 26 through 29. [ See it! ]

But this is not a post about ballet. This is a post about the pit.

The New York City Ballet performs with a pit orchestra, an increasingly rare luxury in these hard economic times. I’ve never played in a pit, myself, but I can only imagine it’s a very different experience from playing in a regular concert — and not just because no one can see you. Even if your work has been recorded to CD, when someone plays that CD it’s all about you and your music. In the pit, you become secondary, do you not? Important, yes, but not the focus. The conductor doesn’t even get to fully control the nuances of the piece, constantly adjusting to suit the dancers/actors/what have you.

I thought of this particularly because of the Tchaikovsky, the lost pas de deux from Swan Lake. It featured a violin solo, and I wondered — what’s it like soloing in the pit? Of course you still don’t want to make a mistake, but the eyes aren’t on you; hell, most of the audience can’t even see you. Are you still nervous? Do you play it your way, or are you more inclined to play traditionally, to keep things consistent for the dancer? Does it even matter if you snag a solo or not?

And conductors, how do you feel answering to dancers? Does it add an extra layer of difficulty, dividing your attention between the musicians and the performers on stage? Have you ever had a dancer ask for a truly ridiculous adjustment? Have the music and the dancing ever separated, and if so, how did you get it back? Did you get it back?

In short, does playing in the pit take the pressure off, or is it the pit of despair?*

* Don’t even think about trying to escape.

In a word: magnificent. According to the chart, since I played the cello I must be hot! And since I played the violin I don’t want to teach children! At least 50% of this is correct, but you’ll have to guess which is the given.

Thanks to Miss Music Nerd for the window into Piesone Art‘s awesomeness.

… No, seriously, Mr. Daniels. I do apologize.

• Ooh! Ooh! This week at the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra it’s Tchaikovsky‘s first piano concerto! Haters gonna hate (HI MOM!), but this piece nestled into my heart like a worm into an eight-year-old apple the moment it opened Tchaikovsky Discovers America. And! Ravel‘s Bolero (won’t he be thrilled?) and Strauss‘s Also Sprach Zarathustra. He certainly did. January 19 & 22 at the Meyerhoff. [ See it! ]
• Did I say Also Sprach Zarathustra? I meant also sprach conductor Marin Alsop, who has much to say on the subject of what is arguably Strauss‘s most famous piece. The BSO presents another concert in the popular Off the Cuff series, which intersperses the music with fun facts from Alsop herself. January 20 at Strathmore and January 21 at the Meyerhoff. [ See it! ]
• Meanwhile, over in National Symphony Orchestraland (which is kind of like Never Neverland only Metro-accessible), Jim Gaffigan conducts. No, wait, that’s not right — James Gaffigan conducts, and as far as I’m aware he’s not a stand-up comic on the side (although that would be AWESOME). Who is he conducting? Why, Ingrid Fliter on the piano, in such works as Mozart‘s Divertimento in D major, Schumann‘s Piano Concerto in a minor, a piece by Glanert I can’t spell, and — wait for it — Mozart‘s symphony no. 41, the “Jupiter” symphony! Holy guacamole, guys, even I like the “Jupiter”! January 19 – 21. [ See it! ]

If you can believe it, it is time to discuss a matter even more dire. Kids, let’s talk about how hard it’s getting to pair composers for a cagematch in round 2. To whit: it is getting REALLY HARD.

This is one of the last pairings that make some semblance of sense to me. Enjoy it, because it won’t last.

What of last match, you say? Well, despite strong backing from @CMcGo, Saint-Saens came up just short of catching Grieg. Which is unexpected, to say the least. Was it the French thing? McGo says it was the French thing.

And now, in this corner, not even Kenneth Woods could save Schumann from his wrath! It’s

JOHAAAAAAAAANNEEEEEEEEEES BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHMS

And in this corner, he sent Wagner packing for Valhalla! It’s

GUUUUUUUUUUSTAAAAAAAAAAAV MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHLEEEEEEEER*

Begin!

* Ben Meyers? Anyone? Anyone? We already established that Brahms = Jesse Spencer.

see more Funny Captions