• FREUDE! The Baltimore Symphony Orchestra has excellent taste. I know this because this week they’re performing Beethoven‘s ninth symphony. Aha! You’re paying attention now, aren’t you? Also in the offing: Bruckner‘s Te Deum. May 24 & 25 at the Meyerhoff; May 26 at Strathmore. [ See it! ]
• No National Symphony Orchestra concert this week.
• Don’t forget about the Strathmore calendar – there’s always something going on; this week there’s a soprano performing Italian arias! [ See the calendar! ]
• Speaking of Strathmore, they’re currently scheduling auditions for the very first iteration of their new children’s chorus. Ages 8 through 16 are eligible, and auditions will be help on June 23, July 15, and August 18. Your kid could be a charter member! To make an appointment, email cguerra@strathmorecc.org.

I think I may have used that one before, but whatever. I don’t have time to worry about such things; I just got back from Walt Disney World and I will be spending the rest of this regular, humdrum, real-life week mere seconds away from bursting into tears. In an effort to combat this near-inevitability, here’s an absurd video in which pianists take off their clothes. You’re welcome.

Oh, hey guys! I was going to tell you something before today’s viola joke… let’s see, what was it…

I’m going to Walt Disney World! Again! Like that one time! And that other time too! And that time I kind of went but not really! I’m not crazy, honest.

A short trip this time, though; I leave this afternoon and will return on Tuesday with a Not Monday Video. Don’t forget to vote in the Composer Cagematch! Voting will still close on Saturday at midnight as per usual and Piotr and George need you. And make sure you’re following me on Twitter in case I find something musically interesting while I’m there (which I always do).

Anyway. Laugh:

Q. How does a violist’s brain cell die?

A. Alone.

• The Baltimore Symphony Orchestra breaks out the BSO Pops with “Music of the Baby Boomers.” So I’m not the target audience. Apparently Frankie Valli is happening; you mean it’s not spelled “Valley”? Live and learn, I guess. May 17 at Strathmore; May 18 – 20 at the Meyerhoff. [ See it! ]
• The National Symphony Orchestra counters with a very classical program: a Haydn symphony, a Weill symphony, and the Brahms second piano concerto as performed by Nelson Freire. May 17 – 19. [ See it! ]
• This week at Strathmore, we offer two counts of Debussy, a brass ensemble, and a talented soprano. [ See the calendar! ]

• Alexander Nevsky (January 11 – 13) – Um, full Prokofiev score live, set to the film? Yes please.
• Hairspray (January 24 – 27) GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE! A concert opera version narrated by – wait for it – none other than John Waters himself.
• Pictures at an Exhibition (January 31 – February 2) – I said PICTURES AT AN EXHIBITION. Why aren’t you buying your tickets right now?
• Mozart’s Requiem (February 28; March 2 & 3) – Everyone knows I’m not Mozart’s greatest fan, but no one can deny theRequiem.
• Mahler’s Titan (March 7 – 9) – Oh, Mahler, I love your “Titan” so. Nothing can take that away from us.
• Saint-Saen’s Thundering Organ Symphony (March 14 & 17) – A friend recently informed me that this was the theme from Babe. My understanding of pop culture is weak; my love for this piece is strong.
• Wagner: A Composer Fit for a King (April 19 & 20) – Neuschwannstein! Mad King Ludwig! Obsession! Insanity! Fun!
• Time for Three (May 2 & 4) – I saw them premiere Jennifer Higdon’s Concerto Four-Three, and it was awesome. Let’s do it again.
• Romeo and Juliet (May 23 – 25) – PROKOFIEV version. Tchaikovsky, Berlioz, I’m terribly sorry, but you’re going to have to clear out.
• West Side Story (June 13 – 16) – Um, full Bernstein score live, set to the film? Yes please.

So those are my picks. Check out the concert calendar – anything striking your fancy?

see more Set Phasers To Lol

A. Drive-by viola solos.

• Oh, hey, look! It’s Rachmaninoff! Fancy that. The Baltimore Symphony Orchestra offers Andre Watts, who in turn offers the Rach Piano Concerto No. 2. That plus Elgar’s first symphony, which is less famous but Elgar’s actually pretty nifty if you can get past your personal memory of your high school band murdering Pomp and Circumstance. May 12 at Strathmore; May 10, 11, & 13 at the Meyerhoff. [ See it! ]
• Hey, National Symphony Orchestra! Will you send me tickets to your NSO Pops concert with Big Bad Voodoo Daddy? I love Big Bad Voodoo Daddy! And fedoras! I’ll totally wear a fedora if you do. May 10 – 12. [ See it! ]
• Also this week at the NSO: a kiddie concert for Saint-Saens‘ Carnival of the Animals. How come these are always for kids? I like it too, you know! Are you saying that makes me a ki – oh. I see your point. May 13. [ See it! ]
• Don’t forget to check out the Strathmore – some interesting stuff on there, like a class on how to get and keep jazz singing gigs. [ See the calendar! ]

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Brahms over STRAVINSKY? Whatever happened to Team Igor? I feel like I went in for the trust fall and you didn’t catch me, readership. Harrumph.

Well, fine. I have some devilish plans for Johannes in the future. For now, I must collect myself and announce that in this corner, he turned Verdi Blue! It’s

GEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORGE GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERSHWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

And in this corner, he serenaded Copland right out of the ring! It’s

PIOTR! ILYICH! TCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVSKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Tchaikovsky discovers America, indeed.